Chapter Text
Adam had left his phone at home again, an easy mistake for him to make and one he makes often. No important correspondence came via text. If it was necessary, there would be a phone call made to his office or an email would arrive past his comprehensive spam filters. But now, when Holden had spent the morning waiting outside Adam’s lab to speak to him and his students had been gawking more than usual, he wished he would’ve had his phone. Holden knows better than to text Adam but maybe he would’ve tried, maybe Adam would know why he was pacing up and down the hall waiting for him to take a break before he gave up and left. Maybe Adam would’ve had some type of warning when his student handed him a Southern blot with an incomplete digest and the air shifted in the room and Olive walked in. Adam knew it was her immediately, even before looking up from the Southern blot. It wasn’t scientifically possible but yet it was true, maybe he would study it after all of this was over and Olive went back to the boy she liked and Adam would have to find some way to move on.
Olive smiled weakly at him, her gaze drifting to the students in the room before returning to him. “Can I talk to you for a minute, Dr. Carlsen?”
Adam’s mouth dried and he realized he was nervous again. Nervous to be speaking to her, nervous to be alone with her. He nodded and handed the Southern blot back to his student, making his way to Olive.
He took her to the room he let his students use to practice presentations and he hadn’t even fully turned back to her before she blurted, “Everyone knows!”
She sounded panicked and worried and Adam had spent more time with her in the past few days than the past three years combined but he would never get used to the way his body seemed to go on alert, his stomach tumbling and heart racing, every time he looked at her. “Are you okay?”
“Everyone knows. About us.”
Adam co*cked his head, crossing his arms over his chest. There was no us, no matter how hard Adam wished, so he couldn’t quite parse her meaning. “Us?”
“Us.” She repeated like he should know. He waited with the patience he was learning he reserved only for Olive.
“Us, dating–not that we’re dating, but Anh clearly thought so, and she told…” She took a moment to gather her thoughts. “Jeremy.” Ah, the boy she liked. She couldn’t even stand to say his name. “And he told everyone, and now everyone knows. Or they think they know, even though there’s absolutely nothing to know. As you and I know.”
Things started to come together for him. Holden and his students. He nodded slowly. “And when you say everyone…?”
“I mean everyone.” Oh she was very concerned about this. She started gesturing towards the door. “Those people? They know. The other grads? They know. Cherie, the department secretary? She totally knows, Gossip in this department is the worst. And they all think that I am dating a professor.”
She spat the word professor like Adam didn’t know what he was and why it would never work. Why he had kept his distance. But still, people thinking he was dating Olive gave him a thrill. It wasn’t believable in the least, that someone like her would like someone like him.
“I see.”
“I am sorry this happened. So sorry. This is all my fault.” She wiped a hand down her face. “But I didn’t think that…I understand why Anh would tell Jeremy–I mean getting those two together was the whole point of this charade–but…why would Jeremy tell anyone?”
Adam shrugged. “Why wouldn’t he?”
Olive looked up from her spiraling, “What do you mean?”
“A grad student dating a faculty member seems like an interesting piece of information to share.” Adam can only imagine what Holden was thinking while pacing the hall. Maybe if Adam would’ve had his phone, would’ve stepped out to speak to Holden he would’ve had more time to prepare for Olive and could be better at calming her down, at reassuring her that everything was fine. But clearly the idea of dating him was sending her for a bit of a loop.
“It’s not that interesting. Why would people be interested?”
Adam lifted an eyebrow and answered. “Someone once told me that ‘Gossip in this department is the wor–’”
“Okay, okay. Point taken.” Olive took a deep breath. Adam wasn’t sure what to do in this moment to help her besides just let her speak to him, in that high pitched yelling way she tended to use recently.
“This is–We need to do something, of course. We need to tell people that this is not true and that we made it all up. Except they’ll think that I’m crazy, and maybe that you are, too, so we have to come up with some other story. Yes, okay, we need to tell people we’re not together anymore–”
No. “And what will Anh and what’s-his-face do?” Yes. Anh. His current favorite person.
Olive stopped and looked at him, making a questioning noise.
“Won’t your friends feel bad about dating if they think we’re not together. Or that you lied to them?”
“I–Maybe. Maybe, but–” Olive stuttered and paused. Adam couldn’t fathom why her friend wouldn’t leave the boy alone for Olive or why the boy didn’t immediately want to drop everything and focus on Olive full time, like Adam did. She should just tell Anh that she wanted the boy. It wasn’t fair that she had to lie like this.
“Are you going to tell her the truth?”
Olive made a panicked squeaking noise, similar to the noise she made in the bathroom when Adam walked in. “I can’t. Not now. Maybe we can tell people I broke up with you?”
It was unlikely people would believe Adam deserved her in the first place. “That’s very flattering,” He deadpanned.
“Fine. We can say that you broke up with me.”
The idea was laughable, that Adam would date Olive and then let her leave. Even less believable than them dating in the first place. “Because that sounds credible.”
“What if we tell people that it was a mutual break up?”
Adam nodded. “Sounds good.”
Olive’s eyes brightened, like she really thought she had stumbled upon a real solution. “Really? Great, then! We’ll–”
“We could ask Cherie to add it to the departmental newsletter.”
“What?”
“Or do you think a public announcement before a seminar would be better?”
“No. No, it’s—”
“Maybe we should ask IT to put it on the Stanford homepage. That way people would know–”
“Okay, okay, fine! I get it.”
Adam was starting to understand what Olive needed. There was a moment where it was so clear, like numbers in a data set. She was putting so much emotional effort into protecting her friends feelings, running around the lab building and kissing random men. Olive needed a place she could run to. A place to be safe and protected. And Adam was 92% sure that being her protection was the only reason he was put on this earth. He could do this. He could help her with this one thing. He could channel these confusing, infuriating, exhilarating feelings of want and need into helping her and maybe those feelings will go away or maybe they’ll grow but at least he’ll be able to look back on this time and know he did something, anything, to help Olive.
“If what bothers you is that people are talking about you dating a professor, the damage is done, I’m afraid. Telling everyone that we broke up is not going to undo the fact that they think we dated.”
Olive looked defeated. “Okay, then. If you have any ideas on how to fix this mess, by all means I am open to–”
“You can let them go on thinking it.”
She looked at him blankly for a long moment before sputtering out, “W-what?”
“You can let people go on thinking that we’re dating. It solves your problem with your friend and what’s-his-face, and you don’t have much to lose, since it sounds like from a reputation standpoint, things cannot get any worse for you.”
“What?” She asked again.
Adam shrugged. “Seems like a win-win to me.” Olive’s problem is solved and Adam is the one who solved her problem. It mostly sounded like a win to him and no one else, but he didn’t want Olive to realize that quite yet.
“You mean…forever?”
Adam could only wish. She just needs to let him help in this small moment in time and then he will be satisfied.
“That sounds excessive. Maybe until your friends are not dating anymore? Or until they’re more settled. I don’t know, whatever works best, I guess.”
“Are you not married or something?”
Adam shrugged, unable to resist teasing her, “My wife and the twins won’t mind.”
Olive blushed a bright red and her eyes widened, “I…Oh my God, I didn’t–I am so sorry–”
“Just kidding.” Adam smiled, small and fleeting.
“I really had no idea that you–”
“Olive. I was joking. I’m not married. No kids.”
Olive looked at her with another emotion in her eyes, something fierce. “Dr. Carlsen, This is not something you should joke–”
Ah, Dr. Carlsen again. “You really need to start calling me Adam. Since we’ve reportedly been dating for a while.”
Olive let out a breath and pinched the bridge of her nose. “Why would you even… what would you even get out of this?”
“Out of what?” Adam asked, genuinely confused that she wouldn’t just accept the help.
“Pretending to date me. Why do you care? What’s in it for you?”
Adam opened his mouth, but nothing came out. It would make sense that she would want to know. It didn’t sound like people just went around helping her like he wanted to. He looked away from her, thinking for a moment. He couldn’t tell her about three years ago, not if she didn’t remember. He decided on honesty. “It would help you out. And I have my reasons.”
“What reasons?”
“Reasons.”
“If it’s criminal, I’d rather not be involved.”
Adam couldn’t resist smiling a bit. “It’s not.”
“If you don’t tell me, I have no choice but to assault that it entails kidnapping. Or arson. Or embezzlement.”
Adam let his fingers tap on his biceps, thinking about what to say to get her to stay. And then he remembered the email that had appeared this morning. The one where the board had officially decided to freeze one third of his funding. The one where they said they would revisit it at the next budgetary meeting. This could help him, even if that was just a lie he was telling himself to justify really doing this. But she could not tell her friends because that would jeopardize it all. Leveraging a relationship with a student to secure lab funding was not exactly something the department seemed keen to approve of. But what they said about his reputation swam through his mind– no lasting personal relationships.
“If I tell you, it cannot leave this room.”
“I think we can both agree that nothing that has happened in this room should ever leave it.”
“Good point,” and Adam sighed. His main hesitation with telling her was not wanting her to feel like she was in an impossible position. Like she had to help him. And he wasn’t even sure it would help all that much, dating a student and having to be closer to Olive. He was also worried about what Olive would think. He felt vulnerable in this new feeling, of caring what someone else thought.
“Okay.” Adam sighed, “I’m considered a flight risk.”
“Flight risk? So it is something criminal.”
“What? No. The department suspects I’m making plans to leave Stanford and move to another institution. Normally it wouldn’t bother me, but Stanford has decided to freeze my research funds.”
“Oh. Can they?”
“Yes. Well, up to one-third of them. The reasoning is that they don’t want to fund the research and further the career of someone who–they believe–is going to leave anyway.”
“But if it’s only one-third–”
“It’s millions of dollars that I had earmarked for projects that I planned to finish within the next year. Here, at Stanford. Which means that I need those funds soon.”
“Why do they think that? And why now?”
It was a good question. Adam didn’t want to tell her how pathetic he was. He didn’t want to tell her that, with the exception of Holden, he spent most of his time working or alone or alone and working. He didn’t want to tell her that his fellow faculty took one look at his life and decided he was preparing to leave.
Choosing his words carefully, he answered, “A number of reasons. The most relevant is that a few weeks ago I was awarded a grant–a very large grant–with a scientist at another institution. That institution had tried to recruit me in the past, and Stanford sees the collaboration as an indication that I am planning to accept.” Adam hesitated a moment before tagging on, “More generally, I have been made aware that the…optics are that I have not put down roots because I want to be able to flee Stanford at the drop of a hat.”
“Roots?”
“Most of my grads will be done within the year. I have no extended family in the area. No wife, no children. I’m currently renting, I’d have to buy a house just to convince the department that I’m committed to staying.” Rehashing it renewed Adams' irritation at the whole debacle. “If I was in a relationship, that would really help.”
“Have you considered getting a real girlfriend?”
No. Not for at least a decade until I ran into you three years ago. “Have you considered getting a real date?”
“Touche.”
Adam studied Olive for a beat. He couldn’t believe she was here, in his lab meeting room, discussing something as ridiculous as this. He had confided in her what the department had said, something he wouldn’t have even told Holden. He also couldn’t believe how much enjoyment he took in talking to her, even about these dumb things, and teasing her. He never enjoyed talking to anyone but here he was, wishing this would never end.
Olive broke the silence “It would be complicated.”
“What would be?”
“To pretend we’re dating.”
“Really? It would be complicated to make people think we’re dating?”
Olive rolled her eyes and Adam felt his mouth twitching upwards again. “Okay, I see your point. But it would be hard to do so convincingly for a prolonged period.”
Adam shrugged. “We’ll be fine, as long as we say hi to each other in the hallways and you don’t call me Dr. Carlsen.”
“I don’t think people who are dating just…say hi to each other.”
“What do people who are dating do?”
It beat Adam. The last time he was on a date, he was impressed by the graphics in his XBox 360. Now there were at least 3 more iterations of the Xbox and the woman he had gone out with was married with 4 kids. It was the incessant talking that did him in. Nothing was ever as interesting as what was going on in the lab and the incentive of sex wasn’t even enough to keep someone around for a second date. Better to just stick to science. Until Olive.
“Um…things. Stuff. People go out and do activities together. Like apple picking or those paint and sip things,” she said with a grimace.
“Which are idiotic,” Adam gestured his hand through the air, dismissing that idea. He would do a lot of dumb things for Olive, but perhaps the line should be drawn at that. Perhaps. “You could just go to Anh and tell her that we went out and painted a Monet. Sounds like she’d take care of letting everyone else know.”
“Okay, first of all, it was Jeremy. Let's agree to blame Jeremy.” That motherf*cker again. “And it’s more than that. People who date, they–they talk. A lot. More than just greetings in the hallway. They know each other’s favorite colors, and where they were born, and they…they hold hands. They kiss.”
Adam pressed his lips together to keep himself from smiling. “We could never do that.”
“I am sorry about the kiss. I really didn’t think, and—”
“It’s fine.”
More than fine, actually. Without that kiss, he wouldn’t be here. Chatting with Olive, teasing Olive, feeling more good than he’s felt in a while.
Olive co*cked her head. “Are you enjoying this?”
“‘Enjoying’ probably isn’t the right word, but you have to admit it’s entertaining.”
Olive stared at him for a second before letting out a shocking laugh. Then, she doubled over, laughing hysterically at something. The situation, most likely. The absolute ridiculousness of the two of them discussing what people who date do. The idea that she walked in here, practically yelling with anxiety, spiraling, information dumping all over and now she was laughing, laughing with Adam, it brought a smile to his face. A real one that he felt through his cheeks and up to his eyes and down through his chest.
“This is the worst,” Olive said and Adam couldn’t believe how lucky he was at this moment, to hear this laugh.
“Yep,” he said, still smiling.
“And it’s all my fault.”
“Pretty much. I kind of yanked Anh’s chain yesterday, but yeah, I’d say it’s mostly your fault.”
“Wouldn’t it be a problem that you’re faculty and I’m a graduate student?”
Adam’s smile faded. That was his primary concern, that somehow she would get hurt from all these mistakes they were making together. He tilted his head. “It wouldn’t look great, but I don’t think so, no. Since I have no authority whatsoever over you and am not involved in your supervision. But I can ask around.”
Olive pondered for a moment and Adam studied her. “Can I think about it?”
“Of course.”
“And thank you, I guess. For offering,” and she paused before adding, in the most beautiful voice he had ever heard, “Adam.”
He stared, savoring the sound of it in the air for a moment longer. “No problem. Olive.”
“Adam!” Holden hissed from behind him, trying to catch up in the hall. “Why didn’t you tell me you asked her out?” Adam stayed silent when Holden came into step next to him. “Adam! You can’t just ignore me! It’s been days. I’m going to keep bothering you about this–” He made a sharp turn down the next hall and Holden almost missed it, to Adam's delight. “Adam! Where are you going? Are you going to the Dean's office?”
It had been three days since he last spoke to Olive, but she hasn’t left his mind. Now he had the bathroom and the kiss and the breakroom and his lab and he no longer felt like a man, just a collection of moments where Olive had spoken to him. It took him a few days to organize his thoughts, to not want to grab his dick every time she crossed his mind. He had told her he would ask around and that’s what he was doing, but he had no idea what to tell Holden. Holden, presumably sick of chasing Adam down the hall, grabbed his arm and Adam could have thrown him off but instead stopped and turned. He would think of something. Or he would say nothing.
“Adam. What is going on?”
Adam sighed and bit the inside of his cheek, uncomfortable and unsure. “It’s new, Holden.”
“But you are seeing Olive?”
Adam wasn’t sure he should lie, but telling this truth to Holden meant telling a lot of truths to Holden and he wasn’t ready yet.
“It’s–new. It’s new and I’m not sure.” Adam nodded briefly, satisfied with his answer.
“But this is Olive? The one that caused you to cancel a lab for the first time in your entire career just so you could see her freshman seminar? The one that I sat on a freshman graduate advisory committee for even though I had no academic reason to be there because you were originally assigned and weren’t sure you could be unbiased so you made me switch? The one doing the ‘impressive pancreatic cancer research’ that you won’t shut up about? You asked her out and you didn’t even think to run it by me? I didn’t even know you guys spoke!”
Adam huffed impatiently. “Holden, I have office hours soon and I need to speak with the dean.”
“Are you asking the dean about seeing Olive?” Adam felt himself flush and immediately wanted to rip a door off its hinges. “You are! Dr. Adam Carlsen, the man who once broke a $22,000 microscope after a minor calibration error from a first year grad student, is about to ask permission to see his girlfriend.”
Adam had half a mind to wipe that smug smile off of Holden’s face but it wouldn’t be productive, it would raise more questions than answers, and he really didn’t mind Holden.
Holden raised two hands up in surrender, starting to back away. “I won’t ask anymore questions. I’ll get the details. Eventually.”
When Holden walked away, Adam took a minute before continuing towards the dean's office. Maybe Olive would never speak to him again. Maybe the few times were all she could take and asking this question was a waste of his time. It would make sense, really. In the last three days Adam had been thinking a lot and maybe so had Olive, just about different things. She came to the realization that a real date was better than a fake one and Adam was sure it wouldn’t be hard for her to find a real date. Still, the little part of him that hoped Olive would take him up on his offer, would let him help, wanted to leave no stone unturned. He wanted to make sure that, with what had already happened and what may happen next, Olive wouldn’t get hurt and she would still be able to research her blood biomarkers for early detection.
With that thought, he finished the walk to the dean’s office.
